Please don't give into the pressures of the New Year. You don't have a resolution? Fine! Nothing, not time nor people should make you change unless you want to. If you're happy with your life and the way things are now, why shake it all up? Why are we so concerned in the imperfections of our lives?! If you're happy I hope you stay happy, please for the rest of the world that needs to find that solid ground. If you need to change something, go ahead by all means! But don't rush if you don't need to. Don't feel like once that clock strikes midnight you should have your entire life planned out in front of you. I hope you succeed in whatever you want to, and I hope you enjoy 2011 but don't get your hopes too high up! And don't forget all the memories 2010 gave you. Have fun in this new decade of ours. Remember that you can change whenever, transformations aren't restricted to solely January 1st*
Keep on keepin' on,
Madison
*He who breaks a resolution is a weakling; He who makes one is a fool.
Thursday, December 30, 2010
We all do what we say we will never at some point to some extent. We all become the people we vowed never to be for at least one night. And most of the time we don't realize it. It's part of life it helps us find our way. I hate giving into that feeling but we must.
Because I'll go crazy if I don't go crazy tonight.
She's a rainbow and she loves the peaceful life
Knows I'll go crazy if I don't go crazy tonight
There's a part of me in the chaos that's quiet
And there's a part of you that wants me to riot
Everybody needs to cry or needs to spit
Every sweet tooth needs just a little hit
Every beauty needs to go out with an idiot
How can you stand next to the truth and not see it
Oh, a change of heart comes slow
It's not a hill, it's a mountain
As you start out the climb
Do you believe me or are you doubting
We're gonna make it all the way to the light
But I know I'll go crazy if I don't go crazy tonight
Every generation gets a chance to change the world
Pity the nation that won't listen to your boys and girls
'Cause the sweetest melody is the one we haven't heard
Is it true that perfect love drives out all fear
The right to appear ridiculous is something I hold dear
Oh, but a change of heart comes slow
It's not a hill, it's a mountain
As you start out the climb
Listen for me, I'll be shouting
We're gonna make it all the way to the light
But you know I'll go crazy if I don't go crazy tonight
Baby, baby, baby
I know I'm not alone
Baby, baby, baby
I know I'm not alone
Oh oh oh
It's not a hill, it's a mountain
As you start out the climb
Listen for me, I'll be shouting
Shouting to the darkness
Squeeze out sparks of light
You know we're gonna go crazy
You know we'll go crazy
You know we'll go crazy if we don't go crazy tonight
40% said Holiday music and movies all month long!!
0% said Nothing I don't celebrate any holidays.
0% Ew. I hate the holidays!
45% said Decorating like there's no tomorrow!
Whoohoo! Gotta love Christmas Eve Eve. It's the best. I just got out of school and I'm finishing up all my gifting. Glad all my readers (Whatsup Croatia?) are in the holiday spirit! I've done quite a bit of these polls choices: Toys for Tots is a big thing where I live, I have an annual Christmas cookie sleepover with my cousins and there's not a night in December where me and my sister aren't huddled in my room over a mass of Scotch tape and ribbons! And don't you start asking about my Christmas tree. :)
My sister and cousin in the midst of cookie making.
*Note It's A Wonderful Life in the background :)
Just some of our cookies before frosting
Flour fights are a staple of the Christmas cookie making experience
I took a break from dance after almost 13 consecutive years to have more time for soccer and track. I don't know what I want. I sing in the shower but now the chorus teacher is trying to coerce me into concert choir. I don't know what I want. I don't like getting below a 90 on anything, but I hate studying for harder subjects. I don't know what I want. I love drawing and taking pictures but everyone says I shouldn't fill up all my electives with art classes. I don't know what I want. I loved being in drama last year but I wonder if I'm any good at anything since I was only in the chorus. I don't know what I want. I've always liked theis certain person but I'm constantly coming back to someone else when everything just seems too much. I don't know what I want. I hate my friends one second and start thinking how I couldn't live without them the next. I don't know what I want.
So... what's it gonna be? Dance or school sports? Singing in your room or singing on a stage? Better grades or more free time? Fun classes or more sensible college-friendly ones? Trying out or regretting it? Being confused or making up your mind? Being lonely and grumpy or loving your friends for who they are?
Ugh, choices! I'm the worst at decision making, and lately it seems like that's all everybody wants from me! I think being a teenager is not knowing what you want, at some point, and I'm at that stage now! In high school everyone has their eyes set on the prize, wheter it be A+ in every course, a new mile record in your school, or a scholarship for singing everybody seems to have their priorities set, except for me. I see all those shiny trophies in the distance and I want them all! I want good grades, I want a good voice, I want to be a fast runner, I want to be great at soccer, I wanted to be a talented photographer, I want to have the perfect group of friends, I want to be nice to everybody but there's only so much time in the world. And high school takes that time and throws it in the furnace of the school until your left with barely three solid hours to perfect your Maradona, teach yourself to sing like Lea Michele, and save the world all before dinner time (or cramming for that Global test!). I get distracted but other goals as I reach for each coveted trophy, and by the time I'm halfway at one something happens to make me change course. Do people just have epiphanys in their lives? Will one day I finally wake up and realize, wow! This is what I want to do and this is what I'm good at and everything else will fall to the side ready to but picked up and rekindled once the big task is at ease? Or can't someone just be good at everything?! I feel like high school expects a solid goal out of me, it seems easy for everyone else. Take my friends for instance, John has his running, Rohan will get accepted to all the ivy leagues with one look at his grades, opportunies will open for Dean with his swimming, Brianna's passion is singing, well somebody, anybody, I ask you where is my passion?
Mom, if you're reading this, like you sometimes admit to doing, I wonder if you're thinking right now Silly Madison, your passion is right under your nose! Well Mom, if we want to get technical I'd say hands because my nostrils aren't punching these keys on the keyboard! Yes I love writing and often my mother will tell people I'll be a writer one day, but why can't I see it then yet?
"There's really only like, three couples in this school. Well I guess out of us, the normal kids. All the faggots go out with each other. They just soak up in each other's loserness."
What would you do if you overheard someone say this?
Your sitting at your table, working on your art project and you can't help but over hear this conversation.
Would you react?
Would you tell the girl she's the loser for making this comment?
Would you laugh along?
Would you give this girl the reality check she desperately needs?
Or, would you just sit there?
Like I did.
Don't you wish you could freeze time and just slap yourself in the face at certain moments? I guess I was just too shocked to even move a muscle.
Honestly, do you believe this crap? Because I was there. She said it all right. And as she sat there content with her social status and blatant display of it, I did nothing.
I did nothing!
Me, I didn't do anything.
How am I that stupid?! Normally I always speak my mind but lately it's been getting trapped. The words just get all smashed together and become this tiny gasp.
People I know are those 'faggots'.
I know quite I few people that I'm friendly with who would surely fit that description.
That sounds bad, but I know who and what this girl is talking about.
She basically means the whole freshman class!
I'd say 10%, maybe less, would fit the first category of 'normal kids'. When she said that she just meant her friends.
Well, my friends are the ones she calls loser! And if anyones the loser,
it's her!
She just can't come to terms that her boyfriend still likes this other chick.
She doesn't get why her looks can't get her a good relationship like the 'faggots' have.
Sorry honey but that's not 'loserness' they're soaking in.
It's honesty and young love, something you haven't learned yet.
"We Need a Little Christmas" was GREAT but I really wish we heard more of it! "Merry Christmas Darling" was a typical Rachel ballad, I miss our old sweet Rachel! Why must there also be some dramatic song of hers? Half the time I'll fall asleep during them. "Baby It's Cold Outside" was completely adorable and perfect in every way. "Last Christmas" was extremely appropriate. I hope Rachel finally moves on, because she's making it even worse for her and Finn to have any kind of professional relationship!
There wasn't much drama in this episode except for the inevitable Rachel and Finn situation, besides that though the only things I could think of to write about was Bieste's talk, as Santa, with Brittany. Hearing her talk about her childhood made me tear up! In the end when Artie got his ability to walk, it was crazy! What a miracle I didn't expect! Finn's persistance to keep the holiday spirit was really endearing and Sue's "Grinch" escapade was hiiiilarious!
A couple quick questions.... 1.) Will Artie's artificalwhatevers..! effect the show at all? Will this prevent or help Artie from performing with the glee club? I'm wondering how much of a change his life will be, and if this will strengthen his relationship with Brittany. I STILL find it odd they're a couple, it's just one of those things I will never get over! 2.) When will Kurt and Blaine go out?! Why is it taking so long for these two to get together, it seems like they both are very forward people and I'm shocked nothing has happened yet. In this episode didn't Kurt admit to Will that he liked Blaine?! Why the holdup?! 3.) Any Cheerios news in the coming episode? Last season we caught a huge look into Sue's cheerleading centered world, even Mercedes and Kurt were part of it at a time! It seems that besides the uniforms in every episode, Sue's track suit and Becky's assistance we haven't seen much drama between the cheerleaders in a while.
The glee club singing "We Need a Little Christmas"
And your quotes...! "When does Asian Santa arrive?" - Tina "You've gotten really tan." - Brittany "Just know you have rights." - Brittany “Last year I left my stocking up over Christmas vacation and an entire family of mice started living in it. Their Christmas gift to each other was rabies.” - Brittany “I told my parents that I only want one thing for Christmas this year: Stop friend requesting me on Facebook.” - Artie“Remember: Even the smallest envelope is heavy for an elf.” - Brittany “I want Channing Tatum to stop being in stuff.” - Mike “You don’t know how many kittens I’ve given away because they haven’t been just right.” - Rachel
Question for you Gleeks: Was this our season finale?! I'm so confused, I didn't hear any promotion saying it was but it must be because the next episode (at least on certain websites) will air after the Super Bowl on February 6th. It's the most expensive post-superbowl TV episode yet and will feature the songs "Thriller" and "Bills, Bills, Bills". Huh. I can't believe I didn't know this!
I want to run on a gorgeous day, it will be 55 degrees out and I don't need any hats and gloves and I will not have to fight against the wind for my place in this world. As a run the cars and roadblocks, people, stop signs, buildings, they will all melt into one big wall and I just keep running with nothing in my way, as I run every comes out. The sit on the street corners, peep through their windows, have a picnic in a parking lot. Just to see me, and to stop and give me a smile. Just a smile. No wave no "good job!" or "hi!" or "quack!"s. Just a genuine smile, the most heartfelt you can reach.
As they smile, all the apologies start to seep into the ground, murmurs of "I wish we were still friends" "I'm sorry for that fight" "I shouldn't of blew you off" "I lied when I called you stupid and ugly" "I really want you back" will go up through my feet and make me run better. My hands stop clocking together, I'm staring at the horizon rather than the pavement and my legs don't feel sore and confined. And I smile, giving my own universal apology as everyone starts to wander around.
I keep running, and as I run things fly off me. All the cigarettes in the world burn up, I step in their ashes. With every step I erase all the funerals, all the cry fests in my house, and from the ashes they come like nothing ever happened. All the glares hit my body and they are softened, no longer will anyone feel like grim walking through the hallways. All the condescending sarcasm that leaves a metal taste in everyones mouth is ripped off like a band aid. Brand name tags whip around my ankles, getting torn up and snaggled in my shoes. Loneliness, pain, sorrow, betrayal, they all jump of the pages of Webster's and fly into my clenched fists. The sky is clear, there is not a cloud in the sky and all the people in the world stop for a moment.
I run a marathon, slow and steady I run a marathon. Pushing out the last mile I leave myself behind. I leave every roll of the eye, kick and punch, every hurtful comment I've ever uttered trapped inside the Earth for good. All the time I've spent skulking and bathing in my own self-pity is added up and thrown at me. I run for the times I've made others feel less, I run for the times I've ignored the ones I love. I run for the times I didn't stand up for someone.
And when I'm done, you're waiting there. Standing as if a hurricane will hit you any second, but you're so happy for it to come. I run straight into you, I don't stop even as my arms find their place around you, I pummel us into the ground. And you smile and kiss me and everything's divine.
Track's great! I love hearing people talk about being in track, I really don't know why but everything you can say about it is pretty funny. My favorites so far....
"You should be in a freak show...!"
"That's what track is!"
"Track and XC are the only sports where an old guy with a gun can tell you to take your clothes off."
"Everyone dates everyone on the track team. We're one big family, it's a little like incest more in a more excepted form."
How often do you regret things, or wish you could turn back time?
20% said ALL the time. Who doesn't?
0% said Here and there, I don't think about it much.
40% said I try not to think about it. What's done is done!
40% said It keeps me up at night, I'll admit it.
and...
0% said Never. I've done nothing I regret.
"and there we were. together, but not together. not knowing what the hell we were doing."
It hurts to keep things bottled up inside. There are too many moments that I have the chance to really let something out, and it always just gets lost in the layers of emotions and I can't get it out. So, wheter something happened a few minutes ago or a few years, most psychs or whatever say that you should LET IT OUT. Even if it's something you might view as minuscule, if you keep thinking about it, tell that person! But...
on the other hand. Should we let "bygones be bygones"? The other day I apologized to a friend for doing something mean I haven't realized I've been doing to him for a while now until someone did the same thing to me! He was really sweet about it and appreciated the gesture but didn't see why it bothered me so much. So we started talking about what I did wrong, and then talking about it made medo the thing I was trying to stop doing. Ugh it was bad.
But it felt good! At least we both addressed what was going on. So, I may not have changed my ways entirely but at least let him know I realized what I was doing and I'm trying to think more about his feelings when I say stuff. That's why I think it's good to talk about things. But...
What if something happened let's say 2/3 years ago and you're always thinking about it. But you know that if you brought it up to the person you shared this confusing moment with, it could break or make your friendship. They might think that you're either really brave or completely insane. What would you do? Because as you sit here, waiting for the pieces to fall back into place the way you want them to. You know there's a chance that may never happen. And if it doesn't you at least deserve the truth.
How many of you love fashion? You can't walk out the door with your "face on" and an ensemble that is at least a 9 out of 10? I feel like my school is a fashion show. Sometimes I feel like I need this intricate showy outfit just to go to school. Honestly, I'm a jeans and a t shirt time of girl. Throw in my boots or converse and a couple bracelets, I'm good to go. That doesn't mean I'm not girly or anything, I live for sundresses and flowy shirts once it hits 65 and sunny.
But honestly, I don't care.
Yes, dressing yourself well shows that you have a sense of self-respect. But then dressing yourself with too much effort, I think that means you need those clothes to feel good about yourself.
For a couple days I'll become obsessed with fashion but then it always goes away. It so much to follow up on! It's like celebrities. Always a new trend, do this not that, no wait being different is cool, now it's not, those are ugly, these are hot... As long as your nice to me I don't think about what you're wearing too much.
Often I'll waste a lot of time in the morning fussing over an outfit, that turns out in the end to not even be me. I'll over think things way too much. I think outfits that are you should be effortless, and outfit that takes you days to plan, just doesn't seem like you! But one you wake up and throw on and are happy with sounds good to me. Because being you should be effortless.
Oh my, how many times in my life will Glee make me cry?!
*SPOILER ALERT* Make sure you've watched the episode!
"Don't Cry For Me Argentina" was amazing. A great song to start off the show with! "Hey Sould Sister" was so great also, but seeing Kurt keep all his talent to himself in the background was so upsetting to watch. "The Time of My Life" was super cute, and brought us all back to the Rachel Finn moment that they had last time they performed a duet. Really showed us how far we've come! "Valerie" was perfect! I love Santana's songs. "Dog Days Are Over" = OHMIGOD. Perfect. Way to wrap up an episode! I love Mercedes and Tina together.
Wow, all the drama in this episode! First off, we were right. Finn and Rachel are over for now. In a rollercoaster of emotions and songs the constant on and off couple who seemed stabel for a while now are done. Is it really final though? If I had to sum up this epsiode it'd be lost. Everyone was. Kurt was lost in his new school, Will was lost because (What the hell?!) Emma got... married?! I think Emma was a little lost there too... Rachel and Finn were lost dealing with their relationship troubles, and the whole team was falling apart! It was so upsetting. But hopefully with some Christmas spirit next week the glee club will get their act together again, they have no choice!
My questions for you... 1.) Will there be new characters soon? It seems like no one can stay single for long on this show, and with Finn and Rachel's breakup will they introduce new love interests or actually give the show a dose of reality and keep them alone for a bit? I think Mercedes deserves a boyfriend next if anyone! 2.) What?! A new recruit?! With Kurt's absence Puck was asked to find a new glee club member. Their latest recruit, well I just want to punch her in the face! Hopefully they'll find a better substitute because no one joins the glee club and helps them at sectionals to say it's stupid and sucks! Find someone better, please. 3.) Is this whole Emma thing serious? Our once germaphobic reserved little Emma is now running off to Vegas with some dentist and getting hitched?! Something seems fishy...
The Warblers performing "Hey Soul Sister"
Your quotes... "Those things are hard to come by scalpers get like five bucks for these!" - Will "I know I'm more talented than all of you. Britney Spears taught me that." - Brittany "I'm not big on reading." - Puck "Budda, Allah, Satan, help me!" - Puck “Let me guess: Finn and Rachel are gonna do a ballad, right? Followed by the kids joining in with a classic rock number where Mercedes will belt out the last jaw-dropping note.” - Emma “You used to be just sort of unlikeable, but now I pretty much feel like punching you every time you open your mouth.” - Quinn “I know that I can’t. Just like I know the cricket that reads to me at night is totally stealing my jewelry.”- Brittany “More like its am-bad-ass-ador.” - Puck "If we lose we should throw possums.”- Brittany “Is the problem your outfit? Because you look like a cheerleader zombie corpse.” - Artie “You are as brilliant and talented as you are irritating.” -Kurt
I really can't wait to see what Glee does with Christmas! The songs they'll be singing are... "We Need a Little Christmas" (love this one!) "Baby, It's Cold Outside" "Merry Christmas Darling" "Welcome Christmas"
There are too many things I need to write about today! So many things happened that I wanted to write about or had to do with what I wrote about yesterday, so here it goes...
I have my first track meet tomorrow. I'm really nervous! I'm less nervous now after thinking about it for a while but I still can't believe it's tomorrow! So this morning on the bus I listened to some music to keep my mind off of it. The first song that came on shuffle was "The Remedy (I Won't Worry)" by Jason Mraz. Isn't it funny how the subtitle encompassed it all? I love how music has its way of doing that.
So shine the light on all of your friends. When it all amounts to nothing in the end.
So if you have something pretty minor coming up like a track meet (they don't change anything huge in my life!) but you're still nervous, don't worry because in the big scheme of this world it really won't matter much.
Something happened today that I really wanted to vent about so much! It reminded me of my whole honesty post and how this blog is supposed to help me, not suppress my feelings! I think the world was giving me a test to see if I'd write about it or not, well thanks world for screwing up my night! It was like something so cheesy out of a movie. Ugh, if only I could tell you in full detail. I really am afraid though... why can't I be open about certain things?! Please show me someone who honestly doesn't give a crap about anything people have to say! I need them. I want to vent about it so badly.
I'll try.
It'll sound weird but I'll try, for my own sake.
I was talking to someone today and in the most slow and hushed tone they said "So... I was thinking..."
Turns out, after minutes of avoiding the subject and beating around the bush, they just wanted to bring up someone they used to like.
WHAT?! Gosh, if only I could tell you how the whole conversation went, seriously! You got my hopes up and created all this damn suspense over some girl you liked! ARE YOU KIDDING ME? Don't you hate when people do that?? Don't you?! Honestly the person said "No, never mind." No! Don't never mind me, you say you wanted to tell me something: so spill! But then when it turns out to be a total, complete and utter letout it makes it even worse! Hey buddy, normally when people beat around the bush it means they have to share something secretive, important or heartfelt. I know you had the hots for her and if you had common sense you would remember I was sorta against the whole thing!
Anyways, now that I somewhat got that off my chest and feel really silly and odd but happy...
When I got home in a bad mood after this conversation I saw that my mom had hung up the Christmas stockings and I really stood there, smiled, and said "Thank you" to these velvet oversized boots because they welcomed me and as freaky as this sounds, made me feel a whole lot better.
I've always been pretty good with being an open book. There's only a few people I have trouble being open with. Besides that, ask me anything and most likely I'll answer honestly. When I started writing this blog I thought it'd be easy for me to convey my raw, honest, stupid, weird thoughts just for me to vent. I know people are reading this, I have followers, people vote on polls, leave comments, talk to me about it in life etc. I don't even know if it's the fact that there's someone (YOU!) out there reading this, but lately I've really wanted to get myself to write about things, things I feel SO strongly and I resort to making them small encrypted paragraphs even I don't understand sometimes. Why is that? Why do we have such a problem with people judging us? I'm really confident on so many levels, but there's just certain things that shut me up. I'll be chatting someone's ear off and the minute they ask me about something I'll just say "Oh, I don't know". WHY?! Well, there's reasons why but then I'd have to get into the gritty detail of the actual subject. No thanks, I'll close my book right now.
Pst. To be honest I think you're gorgeous and it kills me every time I don't tell you.
Can anyone believe it's December already? I sure can't! 24 DAYS 'TILL CHRISTMAS EVERYONE,
24!
That's insane. I'm really excited but then again time is just moving sooo fast. I'm having a good year though, so I'm glad because Chrismtmas time just makes everything that much better.
I don't care if you're Buddhist, Muslim, Jewish, Atheist, or don't really care Christmas has to effect you. By now for most of us, Christmas has almost been stripped of it's religious meaning. It seems like only extremely devoted Christians actually sit down on Christmas Day and think Huh, Jesus was born today what a wonderful thing! To me, Christmas is giving. It's hope and love and happiness. It's a time where for a moment in our life wrapping paper and caroling is the prority. Business meetings come after the buying of gifts and homework makes way for some holly. Even though we should be loving and generous year round Christmas really makes us step back and appreciate the world we live in. Sure there's always robbers murders and natural disasters but for one month all the news stations start playing "Deck The Halls" and everything's alright. Christmas gives you that hope you need. While everything may be going wrong, you can always fall back on Christmas no matter if you have a cross around your neck or not. Who can resist marveling at a lit Christmas tree or joining in to "Jingle Bells" for a chorus? Christmas is meant for everyone.
Just some of our cookies before frosting
Song stuck in my head today: read below