Back to Basics: A Flower List Update

Do you smoke cigarettes?

0% said Yes.

20% said No.

0% said Sometimes.

80% said Never have I or will I.

0% said I've tried them

0% said I've thought about it.

and...

I'm trying to quit.

We live in a world where the dangers of smoking are known- and they're loud and clear. There's surgeon general's warnings on all cigarette and tobacco products (just like the ones on alcoholic drinks), there's anti-smoking campaigns, and often - especially here in NY - you could be watching American Idol and while you're making yourself a sundae in between songs a commercial of a pair of pitch black lungs will pop on the screen and stare you down for a minute.

Me, I don't smoke. I don't see the appeal. I'm positive I've told you guys this before- I don't smoke or alcohol. It's just my belief. I don't freak when others smoke/drink in front of me. It's my body and I decide what goes in it.

And that's the thing. It's YOUR body. YOU decide. So is it right for me to criticize those who make a choice to do that onto themselves? My aunt's been a smoker forever, and it really gets to me. We're super close and I don't want to lose her. So every time she takes that pack of cancer sticks out of her purse, World War III may or may not ensue. But recently, I've been rethinking my standpoint.

A couple good friends of mine are close with this guy that started smoking weed recently. It wasn't a big deal to him, so he didn't really tell them explicitly that he had been doing it. He made a couple comments, but they thought he was joking. When they found out that he wasn't, my friends had mixed opinions. Most of them didn't really care too much. They didn't see him being effected by it (yet anyways, they said), and they said it was his choice- so why should they get crazy and intervene? A handful of them were pissed at first, but after a day or two didn't care too much either. But one of my friends, the one I'm closest with out of the bunch, was rabid. He was angry. I actually am not sure if I'm seen him angrier. For a good couple of weeks he completely dropped his best friend. Cold turkey, just like that.

When I heard about this half of me was like, "You go! You tell him! Stupid pothead, he's not worth your time" but then half of me was thinking, "What?! You're not friends? Just like that? A whole friendship done over a leaf? At least talk it out." And they did talk it out. There wasn't much to say, but now they're back on talking terms.

So it's been making me think... should I be able to tell people what to do? Not really. But then again, I've seen drugs destroy so many lives. Isn't it my responsibility to protect my friends, loved ones, and just anyone in general?! I just don't know.

Song stuck in my head today: "Sydney, I'll Come Running" by Brett Dennen

Keep on keepin' on,

Madison

My Solo Cup Is Filled With Iced Tea

I like to feel powerful. Powerful enough to make me feel powerless. It's a funny feeling be powerless, but not for long. I like to know when I'm powerless, and still have control. Everyone loves feeling powerless at certain points. It's a rush, it's exhilarating and it's freeing. But still, I don't like when I'm not in control. With anything. Wheter it be a school project, how I'm supposed to act, what I can say. I like being free to do what I want. I like being sure in myself, and capturing every second. I like to hold on to memories and I like to be able to keep my self away from stupid things. In my opinion, staying sober is my way of doing that.

When I was 11 or 12, my cousins, sister and I made a vow that we would never drink or smoke. We've seen the effects it has on people, and it's never really appealed to any of us. There are many reactions I get when I say this. "Ha you seriously think that?" (From most of the kids who don't know me that well, and doubt I can resist all that is alcohol. Yuck.) "Aw sweets, that's so good." (The adult that inside is totally doubting me.) "Why?" (The teen who has no clue why alcohol is bad.) "I get it, but it's not all that bad." (The somewhat rational person who wants me to realize that, indeed, not all booze is bad- in moderation.) "I'd be so proud of you if you could do that." (My parents. The only good response.) But, I promise you. I will stay sober. Watch me! People laugh at me and say "I'm not coming to no dry wedding!" (because I have this teensy obsession with wedding central), but I really don't think alcohol is for me. That's that. I'm not saying I hate people who have a wine or two or enjoy having shots or something. I don't cringe and cry everything time my parents enjoy some pinot grigio with their pasta, and I don't freak when people toast champagne or anything like that. What does make my skin crawl is when people drink to get drunk. "Yeah man! Let's go get wasted this weekend." That makes me want to puke. Now that I'm in high school, there's a hell of a lot more of that- and it's only my 3rd week! There's these two girls that are a year older than me, and every Friday all they discuss is a.) where they're getting their beer from b.) who's parents are going away or how they can sneak it out of their house c.) how fun it is going to get drunk. I knew people who drank and smoke in middle school, I'm not blind- people do it all the time sadly! But in middle school, no one was open about it. Now in the "big leagues" I bet people are gonna make fun of me for not joining it. And that's fine. The only thing I care about is how to react to other people who are going to drink. Plenty of my friends will, and they might turn into those people who spend their nights drunk and their school days hungover- I don't know for sure. It's also the whole "what's right" aspect. I don't know how I should react to when I go to parties with alcohol. I don't think it's wrong for people to do what they want, like drink underage or something, but when things start taking a turn for the worse should I even be there to possibly put myself in that position?! It's all very two-sided.

I hope teenage drinking doesn't effect the rest of my teen years. I really would love to avoid it in its entirety but I know that's inevitable. I just got to stick with my beliefs and enjoy live sober, because in my opinion what good is a good time if you're not going to remember it anyways?

"I felt like

I'd walked into

and American

teen movie,

I picked up

the red cups.

I was like,

Wow, they

really do drink

from these."

- Emma Watson On going to her first college party

I love this quote, it's so true!

Song stuck in my head today: "You Really Got Me" by The Kinks

Keep on keepin' on,

Madison