I like to feel powerful. Powerful enough to make me feel powerless. It's a funny feeling be powerless, but not for long. I like to know when I'm powerless, and still have control. Everyone loves feeling powerless at certain points. It's a rush, it's exhilarating and it's freeing. But still, I don't like when I'm not in control. With anything. Wheter it be a school project, how I'm supposed to act, what I can say. I like being free to do what I want. I like being sure in myself, and capturing every second. I like to hold on to memories and I like to be able to keep my self away from stupid things. In my opinion, staying sober is my way of doing that.
When I was 11 or 12, my cousins, sister and I made a vow that we would never drink or smoke. We've seen the effects it has on people, and it's never really appealed to any of us. There are many reactions I get when I say this. "Ha you seriously think that?" (From most of the kids who don't know me that well, and doubt I can resist all that is alcohol. Yuck.) "Aw sweets, that's so good." (The adult that inside is totally doubting me.) "Why?" (The teen who has no clue why alcohol is bad.) "I get it, but it's not all that bad." (The somewhat rational person who wants me to realize that, indeed, not all booze is bad- in moderation.) "I'd be so proud of you if you could do that." (My parents. The only good response.) But, I promise you. I will stay sober. Watch me! People laugh at me and say "I'm not coming to no dry wedding!" (because I have this teensy obsession with wedding central), but I really don't think alcohol is for me. That's that. I'm not saying I hate people who have a wine or two or enjoy having shots or something. I don't cringe and cry everything time my parents enjoy some pinot grigio with their pasta, and I don't freak when people toast champagne or anything like that. What does make my skin crawl is when people drink to get drunk. "Yeah man! Let's go get wasted this weekend." That makes me want to puke. Now that I'm in high school, there's a hell of a lot more of that- and it's only my 3rd week! There's these two girls that are a year older than me, and every Friday all they discuss is a.) where they're getting their beer from b.) who's parents are going away or how they can sneak it out of their house c.) how fun it is going to get drunk. I knew people who drank and smoke in middle school, I'm not blind- people do it all the time sadly! But in middle school, no one was open about it. Now in the "big leagues" I bet people are gonna make fun of me for not joining it. And that's fine. The only thing I care about is how to react to other people who are going to drink. Plenty of my friends will, and they might turn into those people who spend their nights drunk and their school days hungover- I don't know for sure. It's also the whole "what's right" aspect. I don't know how I should react to when I go to parties with alcohol. I don't think it's wrong for people to do what they want, like drink underage or something, but when things start taking a turn for the worse should I even be there to possibly put myself in that position?! It's all very two-sided.
I hope teenage drinking doesn't effect the rest of my teen years. I really would love to avoid it in its entirety but I know that's inevitable. I just got to stick with my beliefs and enjoy live sober, because in my opinion what good is a good time if you're not going to remember it anyways?
"I felt like
I'd walked into
and American
teen movie,
I picked up
the red cups.
I was like,
Wow, they
really do drink
from these."
- Emma Watson On going to her first college party
I love this quote, it's so true!
Song stuck in my head today: "You Really Got Me" by The Kinks
Keep on keepin' on,
Madison
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