Stuck In The Middle.

My town has a lot of people in it. So we have two high schools- one for the north, and one for the south. Simple, yes? Eh, maybe. You see, these two sides of the town for two very short years, come together to go to middle school. This gives us the amazing opportunity to meet new friends and people, but also teaches us how to go our seperate ways, which is good to learn, but hard to go through. I live in the center. Not north, nor south. Just the middle. There's a middle of everything and that's where I live! People always say "No, no, no, you're either north or south you can't be middle! There's no middle!." But there is, and I'm stuck in it. North and south are very different, there's obviously a line drawn between them since everyone's convinced I don't like in the middle. But they mesh together fine because like all humans, they're the same in many ways. But since I live in the middle, I have to be zoned for one school district, and one only. Since the middle's so tiny, I'm either in the north or south. Unfortunately (to a certain degree), I'm zoned for south.

Not that the south is horrible, it just has a bunch of annoying qualities that I won't go into detail of. But the thing is, I'm a BLOCK away from the cut off line for north school zoning, and every since I was little I wanted to go to the north's high school. My dad went there, my cousins and aunts went there, I just think it'd be so cool to be walking down the same halls they did- plus I have a lot of friends who are going there. Since I'm a block away from the north school's it's a hassle to go down south for school, why should I drive for seven minutes when I can walk there in five?! Well anyways, during my middle school years I was given a chance to go to school with my north friends and I've always dreaded leaving them this year for high school. Well, as you know, I did. And it didn't feel much different.

Until this week.

On Wednesday we had a soccer game at there school (yes, our rivals, big whoop) and I saw all my friends from middle school, and all these familair faces, and stepping on their field looking up at their school felt like one big slap in the face. I swear, I nearly cried. Actually seeing the people I'm no longer with, at their school (what I've always considered my school) made me want to crumple up my soccer jersey and play for the other team. You never realize how much you wanted something, or missed someone until you physical see them or something that reminds you of them, or hear their voice. I've thought about all my good memories with my friends in middle school, and have talked to them online, but nothing gets me more sad than walking down to their school and seeing them all there smiling without me!

I like my high school, but I'm wondering now how things would be better or worse if I went to the school I've always wanted to go to.

Song stuck in my head today: "Stairway to Heaven" by Led Zeppelin

Keep on keepin' on,

Madison

Never say Forever

When I was going into middle school, it seemed like everyone was preparing me for loosing friends: family, older friends, TV, books. They all said that once you hit middle school, BAM! You're best friend's gone. I just brushed it off. My best friend and I have never gotten into a fight, ever. So now that we're going to middle school that's magically going to change that? Nuh-uh I don't think so.

So 7th grade comes and goes, we're still as tight as ever. 8th grades comes and just as it's about to leave me with nothing but old photos and certificates to remember it by, it happens. Just my luck. The worst thing was, it didn't end quick and blunt, like ripping off a band aid. It didn't end with one explosive fight filled with tears and dirty looks. The end of our almost 10 year friendship was slow and confusing. I'm still not sure why it happened. There was no backstabbing, betrayals, or lying, just a sudden drift apart. Every time I tried to talk to her about it, she'd forget (?) to return my calls and texts or would be to busy and preoccupied to talk to me. I really wanted us to talk about it in person, but she was always so busy so I finally caught her on the phone and asked her why she wasn't hanging out with me or talking to me anymore. All she could say was "I don't know". She couldn't give me a solid answer for any question I had for her. My Dad said we probably just changed as individuals and these kind of things happen a lot, ecspecially at our age. Surprisingly I was sort of okay with it. I was upset but I felt it ended good. At least I didn't have any grudges to hold.

The reason why I wanted to vent, and bring it up now, a couple months afterwards, and rehash the whole thing was that my ex BFF (let's call her Sam) has recently started talking again to my other best friend (we'll call him Neil). When Sam ended our friendship, she ended her friendship with Neil too. So the fact that Sam's now talking to Neil again is unsettling to me. It makes me feel like I DID do something wrong, and it wasn't just that we changed. If I did do something to end our friendship, I would really like to know! But she never made it clear what happened. So now, I'm not as content as I used to be with our unexpected split. If Sam starts being friends with Neil again why isn't she talking to me?! Us three were all super close and now I feel like I've done something horrible and can't remember and that's why Sam's suddenly casting me aside...

I really hope to make things good again between us three. Not back to old times, because I'm not sure if that can ever happen again, but I at least want to get rid of the awkwardness I know will arise when September comes rolling around and we have to be together for the next four years wheter we like it or not.

Forever never comes around
- September

Sorry if you were a little disappointed in today's post. I just really had to get it out. Oh! And those colorful To Do lists have been helping!.... somewhat ;)

Song stuck in my head today: "Cry For You" by September


Keep on keepin' on,


Madison