I want to run.

I want to run on a gorgeous day, it will be 55 degrees out and I don't need any hats and gloves and I will not have to fight against the wind for my place in this world. As a run the cars and roadblocks, people, stop signs, buildings, they will all melt into one big wall and I just keep running with nothing in my way, as I run every comes out. The sit on the street corners, peep through their windows, have a picnic in a parking lot. Just to see me, and to stop and give me a smile. Just a smile. No wave no "good job!" or "hi!" or "quack!"s. Just a genuine smile, the most heartfelt you can reach.

As they smile, all the apologies start to seep into the ground, murmurs of "I wish we were still friends" "I'm sorry for that fight" "I shouldn't of blew you off" "I lied when I called you stupid and ugly" "I really want you back" will go up through my feet and make me run better. My hands stop clocking together, I'm staring at the horizon rather than the pavement and my legs don't feel sore and confined. And I smile, giving my own universal apology as everyone starts to wander around.

I keep running, and as I run things fly off me. All the cigarettes in the world burn up, I step in their ashes. With every step I erase all the funerals, all the cry fests in my house, and from the ashes they come like nothing ever happened. All the glares hit my body and they are softened, no longer will anyone feel like grim walking through the hallways. All the condescending sarcasm that leaves a metal taste in everyones mouth is ripped off like a band aid. Brand name tags whip around my ankles, getting torn up and snaggled in my shoes. Loneliness, pain, sorrow, betrayal, they all jump of the pages of Webster's and fly into my clenched fists. The sky is clear, there is not a cloud in the sky and all the people in the world stop for a moment.

I run a marathon, slow and steady I run a marathon. Pushing out the last mile I leave myself behind. I leave every roll of the eye, kick and punch, every hurtful comment I've ever uttered trapped inside the Earth for good. All the time I've spent skulking and bathing in my own self-pity is added up and thrown at me. I run for the times I've made others feel less, I run for the times I've ignored the ones I love. I run for the times I didn't stand up for someone.

And when I'm done, you're waiting there. Standing as if a hurricane will hit you any second, but you're so happy for it to come. I run straight into you, I don't stop even as my arms find their place around you, I pummel us into the ground. And you smile and kiss me and everything's divine.

Song stuck in my head today: My own composition

Keep on keepin' on,

Madison