I took a break from dance after almost 13 consecutive years to have more time for soccer and track.
I don't know what I want.
I sing in the shower but now the chorus teacher is trying to coerce me into concert choir.
I don't know what I want.
I don't like getting below a 90 on anything, but I hate studying for harder subjects.
I don't know what I want.
I love drawing and taking pictures but everyone says I shouldn't fill up all my electives with art classes.
I don't know what I want.
I loved being in drama last year but I wonder if I'm any good at anything since I was only in the chorus.
I don't know what I want.
I've always liked theis certain person but I'm constantly coming back to someone else when everything just seems too much.
I don't know what I want.
I hate my friends one second and start thinking how I couldn't live without them the next.
I don't know what I want.
So... what's it gonna be?
Dance or school sports?
Singing in your room or singing on a stage?
Better grades or more free time?
Fun classes or more sensible college-friendly ones?
Trying out or regretting it?
Being confused or making up your mind?
Being lonely and grumpy or loving your friends for who they are?
Ugh, choices!
I'm the worst at decision making, and lately it seems like that's all everybody wants from me! I think being a teenager is not knowing what you want, at some point, and I'm at that stage now! In high school everyone has their eyes set on the prize, wheter it be A+ in every course, a new mile record in your school, or a scholarship for singing everybody seems to have their priorities set, except for me. I see all those shiny trophies in the distance and I want them all! I want good grades, I want a good voice, I want to be a fast runner, I want to be great at soccer, I wanted to be a talented photographer, I want to have the perfect group of friends, I want to be nice to everybody but there's only so much time in the world. And high school takes that time and throws it in the furnace of the school until your left with barely three solid hours to perfect your Maradona, teach yourself to sing like Lea Michele, and save the world all before dinner time (or cramming for that Global test!). I get distracted but other goals as I reach for each coveted trophy, and by the time I'm halfway at one something happens to make me change course.
Do people just have epiphanys in their lives? Will one day I finally wake up and realize, wow! This is what I want to do and this is what I'm good at and everything else will fall to the side ready to but picked up and rekindled once the big task is at ease? Or can't someone just be good at everything?! I feel like high school expects a solid goal out of me, it seems easy for everyone else. Take my friends for instance, John has his running, Rohan will get accepted to all the ivy leagues with one look at his grades, opportunies will open for Dean with his swimming, Brianna's passion is singing, well somebody, anybody, I ask you where is my passion?
Mom, if you're reading this, like you sometimes admit to doing, I wonder if you're thinking right now Silly Madison, your passion is right under your nose! Well Mom, if we want to get technical I'd say hands because my nostrils aren't punching these keys on the keyboard! Yes I love writing and often my mother will tell people I'll be a writer one day, but why can't I see it then yet?
Song stuck in my head today: too many thoughts!
Keep on keepin' on,
Madison
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