&Waking Up Is The Hardest Part

I don't get why we dream at night. It makes no sense. It's so surreal. Our heads hit the sack and then we're transported into this universe for the night.


Normally my dreams are very very weird. They make no sense what so ever, and half the time they have no one I know personally in them. Some examples: my infamous Zac Efron dream (I like sharing these with people). One night I dreamed that Zac Efron was a fish and he knitted me a sweater. Then he invited me to his HSM concert where he turned into a old black man. Another reoccurring one is one where I'm playing tag with pirates in my local Stop and Shop... Do you see?!


I don't get what - or even if - there's a purpose to dreams. Do they foreshadow events? Are they showing us what we should be doing? Are they just teasing our desires? Or are they just plain nonsense?

I can't stop thinking about my dreams lately. You've been in all of them this past week. Last night in my dream you gave me a huge hug and told me you loved me and I swear it seemed so real, it's haunting me I can't stop thinking about it. You know those feelings you get when you wake up and you swear what happened in your dream happened in real life? That was my dream last night, and the day before that, and the day before that. I hate them. I hate them hate them hate them.


But then, you don't want the dream to stop. I want you in my dreams every night, but I don't want to wake up with that feeling in the pit of my stomach. I hate not knowing if the world is trying to tell me something, or if it's just mocking me because I'll never let go of the thought of us.

Sleep tight.

Song stuck in my head today: "Dreaming With A Broken Heart" by John Mayer (this is one of my favorite dance routines choreographed by the Goddess, Mia Michaels)

Keep on keepin' on,

Madison

The hardest thing is trying

Tryouts are tomorrow.

I'm really nervous. I try (ha) not to think about it. But it keeps filling up my head when I'm sitting around mindlessly.

But, this is the (school) year of trying. For me at least. I've told you how I don't try. So much that I'll start rambling on about it and people will stop me and say "I know. I read it on your blog.".

So, tomorrow at eight a.m. I will try to wake up with a smile on my face, try not to puke on the car ride there, sitting next to my friends who have been playing years longer than me. I will try to focus on nothing but how I play. I will try to get my mile under eight minutes, because that's my goal. I will try to keep the ball glued to my size 10 feet and I will try not to cry, because that's something I way to prone to.

I will be happy and proud of myself when the week is over, no matter what. Because my aunt said sometimes the hardest thing is stepping onto that field alone. After that, I won't care which team I make. If I make JV I will work hard. If I make JV I will have fun. If I don't I will keep playing and work hard on other things like dance, school, and music.

But I won't chicken out.

So for those of you trying out for sports (or anything!) in this upcoming season, go for it. Do your best but don't push yourself TOO hard. Focus on how you're doing and not what others think of you. Hopefully, I can do the same! Remember that gets second chance at things and be proud of yourself in the end, no matter the result. And trying is the hardest thing, after that enjoy the ride.

Anything worth doing is worth doing well

Okay, you probably think I'm a.) A reallyyy suckish soccer player or b.) a drama queen. I just had to get it out 'cause I'm really nervous alright?! I just don't want to be the worst one there and I really feel like I will. I'm not horrible but all the other girls are so good! It's hard for me to push myself with this especially because I'm not as serious about it as others are. I just think it's fun, so if I make it I make it, if I don't I don't. But either way: I'm nervous.

Song stuck in my head today: "Silver Lining" by Rilo Kiley

Keep on keepin' on,

Madison

A Look In The Mirror Helps The Medicine Go Down

It's really hard to take your own advice. You can throw around insightful tips and hints to your friends like there's no tomorrow, but how many of those things do you actually do yourself? When I think of the helpful adive I've given to people, I feel gross because I know I've never done half of those things. I can't tell you how many times I've told my friends to just get it over with and tell the person they like how they feel because if they reject you, they're just not good enough for you anyways, so you should move on. Have I done that? Rarely. Life would be a heck of a lot easier if we just listened to ourselves - in my case anyways. I think I'm lazy. That must be it, I'm always saying that I need to get up and DO SOMETHING. Why just sit around when I could be doing something great?! And what are my excuses? I'm too tired, I'm can't think of anything to do, I can't do that, I'm too old or too young to even try that.... I could write a novel. I really hope I'll learn my own lesson, get a taste of my own medicine. I'd be a much better person. Well, I'm working on it somewhat. I'm trying. I know that's not good enough, but I'm not sure if I'll ever reach my expectations. I know I can, but I don't know if I will. I hope I do!

So what have you been telling others or yourself? What's that one thing you wish you could change, or start? Think about it.

Feel free to comment with your thoughts on any of my posts, there's been a lack of them! :)

Song stuck in my head today: "Tell Me Why" by Taylor Swift

Keep on keepin' on,

Madison