Monday, December 20, 2010

Let's all wander around aimlessly

I took a break from dance after almost 13 consecutive years to have more time for soccer and track.
I don't know what I want.
I sing in the shower but now the chorus teacher is trying to coerce me into concert choir.
I don't know what I want.
I don't like getting below a 90 on anything, but I hate studying for harder subjects.
I don't know what I want.
I love drawing and taking pictures but everyone says I shouldn't fill up all my electives with art classes.
I don't know what I want.
I loved being in drama last year but I wonder if I'm any good at anything since I was only in the chorus.
I don't know what I want.
I've always liked theis certain person but I'm constantly coming back to someone else when everything just seems too much.
I don't know what I want.
I hate my friends one second and start thinking how I couldn't live without them the next.
I don't know what I want.



So... what's it gonna be?
Dance or school sports?
Singing in your room or singing on a stage?
Better grades or more free time?
Fun classes or more sensible college-friendly ones?
Trying out or regretting it?
Being confused or making up your mind?
Being lonely and grumpy or loving your friends for who they are?

Ugh, choices!
I'm the worst at decision making, and lately it seems like that's all everybody wants from me! I think being a teenager is not knowing what you want, at some point, and I'm at that stage now! In high school everyone has their eyes set on the prize, wheter it be A+ in every course, a new mile record in your school, or a scholarship for singing everybody seems to have their priorities set, except for me. I see all those shiny trophies in the distance and I want them all! I want good grades, I want a good voice, I want to be a fast runner, I want to be great at soccer, I wanted to be a talented photographer, I want to have the perfect group of friends, I want to be nice to everybody but there's only so much time in the world. And high school takes that time and throws it in the furnace of the school until your left with barely three solid hours to perfect your Maradona, teach yourself to sing like Lea Michele, and save the world all before dinner time (or cramming for that Global test!). I get distracted but other goals as I reach for each coveted trophy, and by the time I'm halfway at one something happens to make me change course.
Do people just have epiphanys in their lives? Will one day I finally wake up and realize, wow! This is what I want to do and this is what I'm good at and everything else will fall to the side ready to but picked up and rekindled once the big task is at ease? Or can't someone just be good at everything?! I feel like high school expects a solid goal out of me, it seems easy for everyone else. Take my friends for instance, John has his running, Rohan will get accepted to all the ivy leagues with one look at his grades, opportunies will open for Dean with his swimming, Brianna's passion is singing, well somebody, anybody, I ask you where is my passion?

Mom, if you're reading this, like you sometimes admit to doing, I wonder if you're thinking right now Silly Madison, your passion is right under your nose! Well Mom, if we want to get technical I'd say hands because my nostrils aren't punching these keys on the keyboard! Yes I love writing and often my mother will tell people I'll be a writer one day, but why can't I see it then yet?

Song stuck in my head today: too many thoughts!

Keep on keepin' on,

Madison

Thursday, December 16, 2010

Oh my my


IT'S A MONTH UNTIL MY BIRTHDAY.

Song stuck in my head today: "Fifteen" by Taylor Swift
Keep on keepin' on,
Madison

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Speak Your Mind.

"There's really only like, three couples in this school. Well I guess out of us, the normal kids. All the faggots go out with each other. They just soak up in each other's loserness."
What would you do if you overheard someone say this?
Your sitting at your table, working on your art project and you can't help but over hear this conversation.
Would you react?
Would you tell the girl she's the loser for making this comment?
Would you laugh along?
Would you give this girl the reality check she desperately needs?
Or, would you just sit there?
Like I did.
Don't you wish you could freeze time and just slap yourself in the face at certain moments? I guess I was just too shocked to even move a muscle.
Honestly, do you believe this crap? Because I was there. She said it all right. And as she sat there content with her social status and blatant display of it, I did nothing.
I did nothing!
Me, I didn't do anything.
How am I that stupid?! Normally I always speak my mind but lately it's been getting trapped. The words just get all smashed together and become this tiny gasp.
People I know are those 'faggots'.
I know quite I few people that I'm friendly with who would surely fit that description.
That sounds bad, but I know who and what this girl is talking about.
She basically means the whole freshman class!
I'd say 10%, maybe less, would fit the first category of 'normal kids'. When she said that she just meant her friends.
Well, my friends are the ones she calls loser! And if anyones the loser,
it's her!
She just can't come to terms that her boyfriend still likes this other chick.
She doesn't get why her looks can't get her a good relationship like the 'faggots' have.
Sorry honey but that's not 'loserness' they're soaking in.
It's honesty and young love, something you haven't learned yet.
Next time, I'll let you know.
Song stuck in my head today: "Geek In The Pink" by Jason Mraz (MY boyfriend!)
Keep on keepin' on,
Madison

Monday, December 13, 2010

Glee Review #19: "A Very Glee Christmas" (Season 2, Episode 9)

Christmas and Glee one of my two favorite things!

*SPOILER ALERT*

"We Need a Little Christmas" was GREAT but I really wish we heard more of it! "Merry Christmas Darling" was a typical Rachel ballad, I miss our old sweet Rachel! Why must there also be some dramatic song of hers? Half the time I'll fall asleep during them. "Baby It's Cold Outside" was completely adorable and perfect in every way. "Last Christmas" was extremely appropriate. I hope Rachel finally moves on, because she's making it even worse for her and Finn to have any kind of professional relationship!


There wasn't much drama in this episode except for the inevitable Rachel and Finn situation, besides that though the only things I could think of to write about was Bieste's talk, as Santa, with Brittany. Hearing her talk about her childhood made me tear up! In the end when Artie got his ability to walk, it was crazy! What a miracle I didn't expect! Finn's persistance to keep the holiday spirit was really endearing and Sue's "Grinch" escapade was hiiiilarious!

A couple quick questions....
1.) Will Artie's artifical whatevers..! effect the show at all?
Will this prevent or help Artie from performing with the glee club? I'm wondering how much of a change his life will be, and if this will strengthen his relationship with Brittany. I STILL find it odd they're a couple, it's just one of those things I will never get over!
2.) When will Kurt and Blaine go out?!
Why is it taking so long for these two to get together, it seems like they both are very forward people and I'm shocked nothing has happened yet. In this episode didn't Kurt admit to Will that he liked Blaine?! Why the holdup?!
3.) Any Cheerios news in the coming episode?
Last season we caught a huge look into Sue's cheerleading centered world, even Mercedes and Kurt were part of it at a time! It seems that besides the uniforms in every episode, Sue's track suit and Becky's assistance we haven't seen much drama between the cheerleaders in a while.



The glee club singing "We Need a Little Christmas"

And your quotes...!
"When does Asian Santa arrive?" - Tina
"You've gotten really tan." - Brittany
"Just know you have rights." - Brittany
“Last year I left my stocking up over Christmas vacation and an entire family of mice started living in it. Their Christmas gift to each other was rabies.” - Brittany
“I told my parents that I only want one thing for Christmas this year: Stop friend requesting me on Facebook.” - Artie“Remember: Even the smallest envelope is heavy for an elf.” - Brittany
“I want Channing Tatum to stop being in stuff.” - Mike
“You don’t know how many kittens I’ve given away because they haven’t been just right.” - Rachel

Question for you Gleeks: Was this our season finale?! I'm so confused, I didn't hear any promotion saying it was but it must be because the next episode (at least on certain websites) will air after the Super Bowl on February 6th. It's the most expensive post-superbowl TV episode yet and will feature the songs "Thriller" and "Bills, Bills, Bills". Huh. I can't believe I didn't know this!

Song stuck in my head today: "Bed Intruder Song" by Antonie Dodson & The Gregory Brothers

Keep on keepin' on,

Madison

Saturday, December 11, 2010

I want to run.
I want to run on a gorgeous day, it will be 55 degrees out and I don't need any hats and gloves and I will not have to fight against the wind for my place in this world. As a run the cars and roadblocks, people, stop signs, buildings, they will all melt into one big wall and I just keep running with nothing in my way, as I run every comes out. The sit on the street corners, peep through their windows, have a picnic in a parking lot. Just to see me, and to stop and give me a smile. Just a smile. No wave no "good job!" or "hi!" or "quack!"s. Just a genuine smile, the most heartfelt you can reach.
As they smile, all the apologies start to seep into the ground, murmurs of "I wish we were still friends" "I'm sorry for that fight" "I shouldn't of blew you off" "I lied when I called you stupid and ugly" "I really want you back" will go up through my feet and make me run better. My hands stop clocking together, I'm staring at the horizon rather than the pavement and my legs don't feel sore and confined. And I smile, giving my own universal apology as everyone starts to wander around.
I keep running, and as I run things fly off me. All the cigarettes in the world burn up, I step in their ashes. With every step I erase all the funerals, all the cry fests in my house, and from the ashes they come like nothing ever happened. All the glares hit my body and they are softened, no longer will anyone feel like grim walking through the hallways. All the condescending sarcasm that leaves a metal taste in everyones mouth is ripped off like a band aid. Brand name tags whip around my ankles, getting torn up and snaggled in my shoes. Loneliness, pain, sorrow, betrayal, they all jump of the pages of Webster's and fly into my clenched fists. The sky is clear, there is not a cloud in the sky and all the people in the world stop for a moment.
I run a marathon, slow and steady I run a marathon. Pushing out the last mile I leave myself behind. I leave every roll of the eye, kick and punch, every hurtful comment I've ever uttered trapped inside the Earth for good. All the time I've spent skulking and bathing in my own self-pity is added up and thrown at me. I run for the times I've made others feel less, I run for the times I've ignored the ones I love. I run for the times I didn't stand up for someone.
And when I'm done, you're waiting there. Standing as if a hurricane will hit you any second, but you're so happy for it to come. I run straight into you, I don't stop even as my arms find their place around you, I pummel us into the ground. And you smile and kiss me and everything's divine.
Song stuck in my head today: My own composition
Keep on keepin' on,
Madison

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

Track.

Track's great! I love hearing people talk about being in track, I really don't know why but everything you can say about it is pretty funny. My favorites so far....



"You should be in a freak show...!"
"That's what track is!"


"Track and XC are the only sports where an old guy with a gun can tell you to take your clothes off."


"Everyone dates everyone on the track team. We're one big family, it's a little like incest more in a more excepted form."







Keep on keepin' on,

Madison