Sometimes people have to be left out

In about 6 months I'm going to turn 16- scary I know.

My mom said we should decide if I'm having a party or not by the end of the summer, because if we are we need to start booking and getting prepared.

At first I was all gung-ho for this party, I thought it seemed like a great idea! I get to wear an amazing gown, I get to dance the night away with all my friends and family, eat my favorite foods, have everyone 'ooh' and 'awww' at my montage, make a playlist of music for my DJ. But then my parents informed me there's be a change of plans and a party is no longer in the future because we're going to Florida next April on a big trip with lots of relatives.

At first I was upset, I thought the party seemed like the easiest way to celebrate, you didn't have to think of anything besides a theme or what dress you were going to wear, but I realized (or rather my pointed it out to me) the reason why I was starting to love the idea of a party, when a few months ago I said I didn't care for a big bash, was because this way I didn't have to leave anyone out. I could invite everyone. Even those people that secretly I think are so fucking annoying, but I'm obliged to be friends with them. We all have those people, and I thought having a big party would be the easiest way to not have to deal with there "Why aren't I invited?! I thought we were close!", and even those awkward in-the-middle-friends. Where you're close, but you've only hung out a few times so you're unsure if you'd invite them to a small party or not.

But sometimes you have to step back, and just surround yourself with people you truly want to be with. I know you should always be kind, and I'm not saying that you have to rudely stop talking to them forever or something, but give them a hint. Let them down kindly.

Now I'm doing something smaller- but just as fun! - for my birthday. What yet, I do not know. But I'll probably go to the city with a couple friends and do something fun. I know once January rolls around I'm going to have to answer peoples nagging questions of, "Why was I not invited?". But sometime or another we all have to be the bearer of bad news.

Song stuck in my head today: "Every Teardrop is a Waterfall" by Coldplay

Keep on keepin' on,

Madison

Don't lead me on, don't.

It's easy to tell little white lies, even straight to someones face. It's so easy. But one thing I won't lie about is how people make me feel.

If you're annoying me, I'll let you know. I'm not gonna be able to tolerate you for to long, you're going to notice me distancing myself, so how could you say all these lovely things to me? How could you say it sucked that I was leaving you. Over, and over again. How could you lead me on like that, then drop me dry?

How could you.

Every day since we met I've thought of you, and now I swear, people will laugh in my face if I told them I knew you. If I told them I spent 3, outstanding days with you. Told them how you complimented me, how you wanted to know more about me. How upset you were when I left. Told them all about you- they would say I made it up.

But, you did teach me a lesson. Quite a few I guess. So, you didn't fuck it up that much- kinda.

Song stuck in my head today: "I Do" by Colbie Caillat

Keep on keepin' on,

Madison

The Flower List #23: Go to a Midnight Premiere of a Movie

Whoohoo! Another thing down on the list.

Thursday night, I lined up with a bunch of my family members and their friends to see Harry Potter and The Deathly Hallows Part 2. We dressed up, saw some crazy fans L.A.R.P.ing and just had SO much fun. It was amazing, just the whole atmosphere. I wanted to stay there forever!

I won't say anything about the movie, for those of you that haven't seen it. But I cried, and cried, and laughed, then cried some more. It was insane.

Me and my cousin Emily, (I'm on the right!).

Going to a midnight movie is definitely exciting and fun, but I think you'll enjoy it more if you're a true fan of whatever you're going to see! Like even though I read and enjoy the Twilight series, I don't think I'd go and see Breaking Dawn at midnight because I'm not CRAZY about it. Hopefully something else will capture my heart like Harry Potter, but until then, and forever always- long lived The Boy Who Lives!

Song stuck in my head today:.....

Keep on keepin' on,

Madison

Ahem.

I'm running today to free my mind from you. I can't get you out of my head, and it's sorta unhealthy at this point. I've been there with other guys and I really don't enjoy it. You seemed to feel the same way but now suddenly you won't answer me? You won't inbox me back, you have made no attempts to stay in touch when just the other night you were telling me how much you'd miss me?

Each mile is for the times you should've tried to talk to me...

Each mile is for the hours I spent waiting for that reply, that gesture, that thing that would let me know that these past 3 days weren't out of a movie. That this was real and it would stay this way.

When I come back from my run, there better be a text from you. If there's not....

Song stuck in my head today: Every song I heard when I was with you.

Keep on keepin' on,

Madison

Back to Basics: A Flower List Update

So, it's been a while! How are you?

0% said Great! :)

25% said Eh. Been better.

25% said AMAZING.

0% said Pretty good.

0% said Tired.

50% said Hunnnngggrrryy

0% said :'(

0% said ♥

Well how I have been?

Away. Again. I'm sorry!!! My computer got ANOTHER virus and I swear I didn't start this one!!!!

But I have a lot to share, I've kept most of my promise! I've been busy, I've had fun, let loose, lived. But this is only the beginning my friends and I hope it gets a hell of a lot better.

Song stuck in my head today: "Pumped Up Kicks" by Foster the People (I'm married to the drummer-BTW)

Keep on keepin' on,

Madison

Freshman year

School ended for me yesterday, and just like when other things have ended, I come here to reflect on it.

I cannot, cannot, cannot, CANNOT, believe that was my freshman year- and it's over. 25% of high school, done. Just like that.

When I was younger I thought about me being 15. I thought, 'That's such a weird age!'. 15. You're older than 13 but not 16 and wow, you're just old. Yeah, I feel old. But not in a good way. When I thought about being older when I was younger, I imagined myself having an amazing boyfriend, having all these adventures, and, I don't know, just teenage moments! And they've happened, but are a rarity.

When I relfected on my summer last year, it helped change my perspective when I blogged photos of it. I hadn't realized all I'd done! So here are some pictures of my first year as a high schooler, let's see what went down...

When I thought I was a badass being on the roof of my school during orientation ;)
One of the best days this year!
Halloween 2010- 1st shaving cream fight with these amazing kids!
Halloween 2010- Dressing up as Reptar ♥
JV Soccer 2010!! Gonna miss you all next season :(
Seeing We The Kings live! :D
Turning 15- And spending it with my best friend ever!

Meeting Kuds in drama :) Oh, and wearing that lovely dress! Ha DRAMA 2010-2011♥

Talking to strange old men.

Seeing American Idiot on Broadway!

Kiera's Sweet 16 :)

Track tan time!

Re-uniting with Jennie and meeting kids in the park.

Lockdown at a track meet!

Running a random 'senior only' 100m relay last second!

Handing out water at a 10k waterstop with Kiera :)

Face-to-face conversations and Emily's Cinco de Mayo Sweet 16!
COUNTIES♥

SCIENCE PD. 7 &8 ♥

LAST DAY OF SCHOOL!

So, like always, turned out I did do a lot! And had a lot of fun while doing it. I love looking back on things because it forces you to remember what a great life you really do have and all the memories you've created, but might've forgotten! I have to say the highlight of my year had to have been track, I'm so grateful I had all the experiences it has given me this year and I'm too excited for the years to come. :)

Song stuck in my head today: BLEH

Keep on keepin' on,

Madison

My Life Is Slowly Slipping Away.

As you know*, I cry easily.

And I came close to wailing listening to "100 Years" today.

Finally, I found something to write about.

*(you should)

I'm 15 for a moment

Caught in between 10 and 20

And I'm just dreaming

Counting the ways to where you are

I'm 22 for a moment

She feels better than ever

And we're on fire

Making our way back from Mars

15 there's still time for you

Time to buy and time to lose

15, there's never a wish better than this

When you only got 100 years to live

I'm 33 for a moment

Still the man, but you see I'm a they

A kid on the way

A family on my mind

I'm 45 for a moment

The sea is high

And I'm heading into a crisis

Chasing the years of my life

15 there's still time for you

Time to buy, Time to lose yourself

Within a morning star

15 I'm all right with you

15 there's never a wish better than this

When you only got 100 years to live

Half time goes by

Suddenly you’re wise

Another blink of an eye

67 is gone

The sun is getting high

We're moving on...

I'm 99 for a moment

Dying for just another moment

And I'm just dreaming

Counting the ways to where you are

15 there's still time for you

22 I feel her too

33 you’re on your way

Every day's a new day...

15 there's still time for you

Time to buy and time to choose

Hey 15, there's never a wish better than this

When you only got 100 years to live

I have nothing to show for my life, people at the age of 15 have broken records, saved lives, won awards, created charities, started a movement! And while I'm content with my life, and I should be, it's hard not to wonder what I could be doing right, or wrong.

What if I die tomorrow.

I would've died without going to London, without having a baby, without taking a photo class, without being on a ferris wheel, without seeing my sisters grow up, without being a senior, with kissing you.

So why is it so damn hard for me to do what I want?! People always say "live as if today was your last!" "carpe diem!" "live life without regrets!", so when will that truly happen for me. I know it's my fault for not doing it. Whatever it may be.

So, here's my challenge for myself, if I better come back here in the beginning of Septemeber with stories to tell, things to say, and pictures to back it up with! I will do things I've always wanted to do, fill up my day with things better than sitting around watching Mob Wives and being on tumblr. I will chase my dreams and have a talk with a certain boy that is long overdue. I must, I have to.

And I will you tell you guys everything! No more randomly leaving the blog- unless I'm just having that much fun LIVING!

Song stuck in my head today: click above!!

Keep on keepin' on,

Madison