What are your feelings about the New Year?
0% said It makes me sad.
25% said I love it!!
0% said Doesn't really matter
25% said I always get my hopes up too high for a good year
25% said I always break my resolutions
0% said It's too much fuss and commotion
and...
25% said It's fine :)
I used to HATE the New Year when I was little. It was the worst holiday for me. I cried when it came, I didn't want to leave 2005 or whatever year it was then. I remember sitting in my room or on the staircase in my house and for a couple minutes just crying and crying. I was in this major Peter Pan stage as I like to call it. Life frightened me, a lot. I would get anxiety thinking about the next school year, or my birthday. I did not want to think about growing up at all and death seemed to be always in mind. I don't know if I've ever told this to anyone. But I remember once at dinner I couldn't stop thinking about dying and I got so worked up and my mom had to bring me to the bathroom in the restaurant we were eating out and try to get the sense in my head back where it belonged, but I couldn't express my feelings to her. I was pretty messed up in 3rd grade! I kept all these journals from that year and into 4th grade and you just notice these crazy entries where I almost seemed depressed and a lot of it had to do with growing up.
Do I want to grow up now? Eh, I guess. I'm not as scared now obviously but sometimes I'll slip back into my old Saucony black and red sneakers for a while, and I'll start thinking about it. Non stop. I know to pull myself out of it now, but still it's weird though isn't it? Life? I mean we're all just going to die, does anything even matter?
Don't worry! I'm not getting all emo or whatever label you're putting on me right now, I'm just analyzing.
Song stuck in my head today: Dunnoooooo
Keep on keepin' on,
Madison
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