I'm sitting in science today and I turn to stick out my tongue to my friend sitting beside me. The girl in front of him turns around and looks at me.

I try to imagine what she's thinking in her head. I think she's probably realizing that my friend and I haven't changed in the three years. I used to be friends, we both used to be friends with this girl but things went wrong and suddenly I was the cause of her losing some good relationships because I couldn't leave my angry trap shut. I had my reasons, but I took advantage of them. So as she turns her head while I tease my friends I assume she's thinking "They're still the same silly friends I left in 6th grade", but she just asks me what the design was on my shirt. They were flowers, or something like that.

It was weird. For a moment there I felt like I could be standing in the doorway of room 308 in my size 8 Converse. The ones I was so proud of in 6th grade, the ones I didn't get a speck of dirt on for a week until I made the realization the grungier they looked the better. I saw myself, 15 year old me sitting in a classroom learning about neurons and trying to think of something better to do. Me, goofing around with my friend and reminiscing on my times with my old friend.

I wondered what 6th grade me would think of 9th grade me. What size 8 black Converse would think of size 10 Kate Spade red rain boots. I could give you a guess. She'd be wondering how awkward it was sitting next to my old friend in class, she'd be so excited I was sitting next to the boy I had the biggest crush on, and she'd be wondering what high school is like. I can answer that for her, or me rather.

Dear 12 year old Madison (oh look there you are^),

It is sort of weird sitting next to her in class. I mean there's time I want to stop between cell labeling worksheets and apologize for how things ended up, and how she's been, how we've all been. Things like that. But otherwise she's changed, she has her own friends now, she keeps to herself. She seems fine and I don't think she holds a grudge against me, us? As for the guy that's sitting next to me. Familiar I hope. Don't get too excited there chicky. I wish I could've let you - me - known before hand that disappointing outcome. Anyways, high school? I have to give you credit kid. You had the right idea after all. I don't want you to start thinking pessimistically, but you were right, the school sucks. I mean don't get me wrong! We love certain parts of it, winter track, meeting new people. But you were correct about the overall atmosphere being better 'up north'. Don't worry though, we still have time to turn things around. I need you though. I need you to open my eyes back up. To show me who I am again, because things have grown a little fuzzy and you - I - had everything really sorted out back then.

From,

You

Song stuck in my head today: "Your Song" cover by Ellie Goulding (Thanks All The Time In The World!)

Keep on keepin' on,

Madison