Friday, June 10, 2011

Freshman year

School ended for me yesterday, and just like when other things have ended, I come here to reflect on it.

I cannot, cannot, cannot, CANNOT, believe that was my freshman year- and it's over. 25% of high school, done. Just like that.

When I was younger I thought about me being 15. I thought, 'That's such a weird age!'. 15. You're older than 13 but not 16 and wow, you're just old. Yeah, I feel old. But not in a good way. When I thought about being older when I was younger, I imagined myself having an amazing boyfriend, having all these adventures, and, I don't know, just teenage moments! And they've happened, but are a rarity.

When I relfected on my summer last year, it helped change my perspective when I blogged photos of it. I hadn't realized all I'd done! So here are some pictures of my first year as a high schooler, let's see what went down...

When I thought I was a badass being on the roof of my school during orientation ;)
One of the best days this year!
Halloween 2010- 1st shaving cream fight with these amazing kids!
Halloween 2010- Dressing up as Reptar
JV Soccer 2010!! Gonna miss you all next season :(
Seeing We The Kings live! :D
Turning 15- And spending it with my best friend ever!

Meeting Kuds in drama :) Oh, and wearing that lovely dress! Ha DRAMA 2010-2011♥

Talking to strange old men.

Seeing American Idiot on Broadway!

Kiera's Sweet 16 :)

Track tan time!

Re-uniting with Jennie and meeting kids in the park.

Lockdown at a track meet!

Running a random 'senior only' 100m relay last second!

Handing out water at a 10k waterstop with Kiera :)

Face-to-face conversations and Emily's Cinco de Mayo Sweet 16!

SCIENCE PD. 7 &8 ♥


So, like always, turned out I did do a lot! And had a lot of fun while doing it. I love looking back on things because it forces you to remember what a great life you really do have and all the memories you've created, but might've forgotten! I have to say the highlight of my year had to have been track, I'm so grateful I had all the experiences it has given me this year and I'm too excited for the years to come. :)

Song stuck in my head today: BLEH

Keep on keepin' on,


Monday, June 6, 2011

My Life Is Slowly Slipping Away.

As you know*, I cry easily.

And I came close to wailing listening to "100 Years" today.

Finally, I found something to write about.

*(you should)

I'm 15 for a moment

Caught in between 10 and 20

And I'm just dreaming

Counting the ways to where you are

I'm 22 for a moment

She feels better than ever

And we're on fire

Making our way back from Mars

15 there's still time for you

Time to buy and time to lose

15, there's never a wish better than this

When you only got 100 years to live

I'm 33 for a moment

Still the man, but you see I'm a they

A kid on the way

A family on my mind

I'm 45 for a moment

The sea is high

And I'm heading into a crisis

Chasing the years of my life

15 there's still time for you

Time to buy, Time to lose yourself

Within a morning star

15 I'm all right with you

15 there's never a wish better than this

When you only got 100 years to live

Half time goes by

Suddenly you’re wise

Another blink of an eye

67 is gone

The sun is getting high

We're moving on...

I'm 99 for a moment

Dying for just another moment

And I'm just dreaming

Counting the ways to where you are

15 there's still time for you

22 I feel her too

33 you’re on your way

Every day's a new day...

15 there's still time for you

Time to buy and time to choose

Hey 15, there's never a wish better than this

When you only got 100 years to live

I have nothing to show for my life, people at the age of 15 have broken records, saved lives, won awards, created charities, started a movement! And while I'm content with my life, and I should be, it's hard not to wonder what I could be doing right, or wrong.

What if I die tomorrow.

I would've died without going to London, without having a baby, without taking a photo class, without being on a ferris wheel, without seeing my sisters grow up, without being a senior, with kissing you.

So why is it so damn hard for me to do what I want?! People always say "live as if today was your last!" "carpe diem!" "live life without regrets!", so when will that truly happen for me. I know it's my fault for not doing it. Whatever it may be.

So, here's my challenge for myself, if I better come back here in the beginning of Septemeber with stories to tell, things to say, and pictures to back it up with! I will do things I've always wanted to do, fill up my day with things better than sitting around watching Mob Wives and being on tumblr. I will chase my dreams and have a talk with a certain boy that is long overdue. I must, I have to.

And I will you tell you guys everything! No more randomly leaving the blog- unless I'm just having that much fun LIVING!

Song stuck in my head today: click above!!

Keep on keepin' on,


Sunday, June 5, 2011

Just thought I'd catch everyone up on what I've been up to lately....

Though I spend (... waste) a lot of time on the computer, I haven't gotten around to blogging lately. Some theories why:

I'm too damned busy

With track just wrapping up last week (I made it to counties! :D), I find just enough time to check my Facebook, stumble around weheartit, read the blogs I follow here on Blogger, and check out my dashboard on tumblr.

I have nothing (or too much) to write about

I'm sorta at a loss for words when I sit down in front of a computer, and I'm trying to figure out if it's because I don't have anything to say, I keep forgetting everything I want to say, or the things I write about isn't what I really want to write about.

Like I said, track ended as of recent, and that's sort of been taking over my life! But summer's only weeks away so hopefully I'll have more spare time and be more inspired. :)

Fingers crossed.

Keep on keepin' on,


Wednesday, June 1, 2011

Back to Basics: A Flower List Update

Do you smoke cigarettes?

0% said Yes.

20% said No.

0% said Sometimes.

80% said Never have I or will I.

0% said I've tried them

0% said I've thought about it.


I'm trying to quit.

We live in a world where the dangers of smoking are known- and they're loud and clear. There's surgeon general's warnings on all cigarette and tobacco products (just like the ones on alcoholic drinks), there's anti-smoking campaigns, and often - especially here in NY - you could be watching American Idol and while you're making yourself a sundae in between songs a commercial of a pair of pitch black lungs will pop on the screen and stare you down for a minute.

Me, I don't smoke. I don't see the appeal. I'm positive I've told you guys this before- I don't smoke or alcohol. It's just my belief. I don't freak when others smoke/drink in front of me. It's my body and I decide what goes in it.

And that's the thing. It's YOUR body. YOU decide. So is it right for me to criticize those who make a choice to do that onto themselves? My aunt's been a smoker forever, and it really gets to me. We're super close and I don't want to lose her. So every time she takes that pack of cancer sticks out of her purse, World War III may or may not ensue. But recently, I've been rethinking my standpoint.

A couple good friends of mine are close with this guy that started smoking weed recently. It wasn't a big deal to him, so he didn't really tell them explicitly that he had been doing it. He made a couple comments, but they thought he was joking. When they found out that he wasn't, my friends had mixed opinions. Most of them didn't really care too much. They didn't see him being effected by it (yet anyways, they said), and they said it was his choice- so why should they get crazy and intervene? A handful of them were pissed at first, but after a day or two didn't care too much either. But one of my friends, the one I'm closest with out of the bunch, was rabid. He was angry. I actually am not sure if I'm seen him angrier. For a good couple of weeks he completely dropped his best friend. Cold turkey, just like that.

When I heard about this half of me was like, "You go! You tell him! Stupid pothead, he's not worth your time" but then half of me was thinking, "What?! You're not friends? Just like that? A whole friendship done over a leaf? At least talk it out." And they did talk it out. There wasn't much to say, but now they're back on talking terms.

So it's been making me think... should I be able to tell people what to do? Not really. But then again, I've seen drugs destroy so many lives. Isn't it my responsibility to protect my friends, loved ones, and just anyone in general?! I just don't know.

Song stuck in my head today: "Sydney, I'll Come Running" by Brett Dennen

Keep on keepin' on,