I'm really nervous. I try (ha) not to think about it. But it keeps filling up my head when I'm sitting around mindlessly.
But, this is the (school) year of trying. For me at least. I've told you how I don't try. So much that I'll start rambling on about it and people will stop me and say "I know. I read it on your blog.".
So, tomorrow at eight a.m. I will try to wake up with a smile on my face, try not to puke on the car ride there, sitting next to my friends who have been playing years longer than me. I will try to focus on nothing but how I play. I will try to get my mile under eight minutes, because that's my goal. I will try to keep the ball glued to my size 10 feet and I will try not to cry, because that's something I way to prone to.
I will be happy and proud of myself when the week is over, no matter what. Because my aunt said sometimes the hardest thing is stepping onto that field alone. After that, I won't care which team I make. If I make JV I will work hard. If I make JV I will have fun. If I don't I will keep playing and work hard on other things like dance, school, and music.
But I won't chicken out.
So for those of you trying out for sports (or anything!) in this upcoming season, go for it. Do your best but don't push yourself TOO hard. Focus on how you're doing and not what others think of you. Hopefully, I can do the same! Remember that gets second chance at things and be proud of yourself in the end, no matter the result. And trying is the hardest thing, after that enjoy the ride.
Anything worth doing is worth doing well
Okay, you probably think I'm a.) A reallyyysuckish soccer player or b.) a drama queen. I just had to get it out 'cause I'm really nervous alright?! I just don't want to be the worst one there and I really feel like I will. I'm not horrible but all the other girls are so good! It's hard for me to push myself with this especially because I'm not as serious about it as others are. I just think it's fun, so if I make it I make it, if I don't I don't. But either way: I'm nervous.
After my last post I decided to read over my Flower List again... I'm an idiot. As my eyes passed by the goals that envolved money and airfare and cute boys, I came across one lonely small goal on the bottom of the first page that just required a stamp and some paper. Send fan mail.
I mean come on?! How easy is that!! So, I looked up an adress, got some markers out and badda boom: ANOTHER COMPLETE!! Whoooohooo! :)
I decided to send my first (and probably only) piece of fan mail to the one and only Lucas Till.
Most known for his "break-out" role in Hannah Montana: The Movie Lucas is an actor that has starred in various indie films, music videos, TV episodes, and commercials (voiceovers Brianna? ;)). I decided to write to him because it seems like every girl has written to their celebrity crush, so why don't I give it a try? Haha. It was really wierd when I sat down to write it but I basically just said I thought he was a really good actor, and he's seems super down to Earth and nice and obviously that's he's cute! You sort of have to write that....
So! Here's proof I actually did it (tried to spice it up with some stickers: FAIL)
Okay... this seems really pathetic as I'm writing this.... Why did I choose to send fan mail?! God only knows. Have you seen the Disney movie 16 Wishes? I feel like Debby Ryan's character wondering why she added this on the list... but whatever! I did it. :)
So.... here's my question for you: Have you ever sent fan mail? If so (if you don't mind telling!): to who? What'd it say? I really wanna know even if you haven't! So please please comment or else that will be next week's poll and I know all of you vote!
OH! And just putting it out there: I made my 50th post on the 24th! Yay!!
Have you been able to cross anything off of your "Bucket List" lately?
50% said Yes! :) 0% said No :( 0% said I still don't know what a bucket list is... 50% said No lately, but I'm working on it! 0% said I don't have one. and... 0% said Yeah but nothing MAJOR.
Well, I'm really glad for those that have been successful with their Bucket List adventures, but mine is just collecting dust in my closet. I'm lazy, I know, we've been over this.
Buttt..... two of my best friends have been able to accomplish some cool things lately that I wanted to share with you! One of my friends, Brianna, got to see the Jonas Brothers in concert this past Saturday. She's been a fan for a while and has been dying to see them live! She said the concert was amazing and I can't wait to see all her pictures and videos when she gets back home from a vacation in Florida. My other friend, Jacob, got to meet Kathy Griffin at one of her book signings. So, whatever you have written on your list, big or small, work on it!! Again, I should take my own advice...
What have you accomplished lately?? Leave a comment! :)
P.S. Thanks for getting me to eight followers! Made my day.
If you haven't noticed I've been sort of uninspired lately... I feel like my posts have just become shorter and shorter and no ones reading them anymore! I mean, I'll still keep writing even if no ones reading, but it's nice to know that someone out there sees this.
I'm REALLY super excited for school to start. I guess I'm just a big nerd. I wanna see my friends, go back to a routine, and there's something so exciting about high school. Just uttering the word puts chills down my spine. I wonder if high school is all it's cracked up to be.
I hate/love August. For the first week or two, everything feels like a normal summer, but then it's crunch time. You start getting your school supplies, your tan starts fading, you realize that another summer has come and gone and you basically watched it fly by under the comfort of your Ray-Bans. I guess I hate when things end. You get that whirlwind of emotions and you don't know which direction you should take. You're sad it's ending, happy it happened, regretting you didn't enjoy it as much, and anxious for the next thing to come rolling along.
I really didn't want to write about this this early. I still have a few weeks of freedom and sunshine left! But, it's been bugging me this whole week. Why can't you just speed moments up in life?! I want Autumn to start already (it's my favorite season). I try not to think about it a lot 'cause then I'm just going to waste what I have left of the summer but it's always there in my mind, creeping up on my every August, I just had to let it out!
Thanks for reading, enjoy the rest of your summer!
(Sorry there's no picture... nothing really caught my eye)
Song stuck in my head today: It's too early to have a song stuck in my head!
If you have siblings, like me, do you think you treat them differently? I've been thinking about it a lot and I've noticed how I have less patience with my younger sister Kayla then I have with most people. I'm just more likely to brush her aside sometimes and say whatever comes out. It's like there's no filter with her around. This can sometimes be good, and sometimes bad. I'm wondering why it's like this though! Is it because I've just been around her my whole life? So I don't care what she knows? But I know that she can be sensitive but that doesn't stop me froming ignoring her when she talks to me or telling her to go away more than I should.... Hm. Do you treat your siblings differently then you treat others? Is your filter turned off too?! Leave a comment (: Hopefully when Autumn rolls around, you all will start commenting again!!
66% said Yes, unfortunately 0% said A couple times... 33% said No, thankfully and... 0% said I've never known anyone who's died.
I don't know about you guys, but I'm a big Pretty Little Liars fan. The books are amazing and the TV show isn't horrible! So, a couple episodes back the girls were planning their memorial for Alison. While Alison's older brother tries to take control of their memorial, they remind them how close they were with Alison and how they knew her on a completely different level. That made me start to think: do we every really know anyone? Or ourselves for that matter? I know when my cousin passed away, a lot of my family memebers learned more about him then then when he was alive. It'f unny to think that you can live your whole life thinking you had a clear picture of who someone was and then something happens to change all of that. Do we ever know ourselves, also? I used to think I know who I am, but now more then ever I'm questioning my actions. Would I normally do this? Is this me? Who am I?! Maybe it's just the age I'm at, everyone says that this stage in your life is about finding yourselves. Well, I ask my older and wiser readers: Do you ever find yourself?!
When I was going into middle school, it seemed like everyone was preparing me for loosing friends: family, older friends, TV, books. They all said that once you hit middle school, BAM! You're best friend's gone. I just brushed it off. My best friend and I have never gotten into a fight, ever. So now that we're going to middle school that's magically going to change that? Nuh-uh I don't think so.
So 7th grade comes and goes, we're still as tight as ever. 8th grades comes and just as it's about to leave me with nothing but old photos and certificates to remember it by, it happens. Just my luck. The worst thing was, it didn't end quick and blunt, like ripping off a band aid. It didn't end with one explosive fight filled with tears and dirty looks. The end of our almost 10 year friendship was slow and confusing. I'm still not sure why it happened. There was no backstabbing, betrayals, or lying, just a sudden drift apart. Every time I tried to talk to her about it, she'd forget (?) to return my calls and texts or would be to busy and preoccupied to talk to me. I really wanted us to talk about it in person, but she was always so busy so I finally caught her on the phone and asked her why she wasn't hanging out with me or talking to me anymore. All she could say was "I don't know". She couldn't give me a solid answer for any question I had for her. My Dad said we probably just changed as individuals and these kind of things happen a lot, ecspecially at our age. Surprisingly I was sort of okay with it. I was upset but I felt it ended good. At least I didn't have any grudges to hold.
The reason why I wanted to vent, and bring it up now, a couple months afterwards, and rehash the whole thing was that my ex BFF (let's call her Sam) has recently started talking again to my other best friend (we'll call him Neil). When Sam ended our friendship, she ended her friendship with Neil too. So the fact that Sam's now talking to Neil again is unsettling to me. It makes me feel like I DID do something wrong, and it wasn't just that we changed. If I did do something to end our friendship, I would really like to know! But she never made it clear what happened. So now, I'm not as content as I used to be with our unexpected split. If Sam starts being friends with Neil again why isn't she talking to me?! Us three were all super close and now I feel like I've done something horrible and can't remember and that's why Sam's suddenly casting me aside...
I really hope to make things good again between us three. Not back to old times, because I'm not sure if that can ever happen again, but I at least want to get rid of the awkwardness I know will arise when September comes rolling around and we have to be together for the next four years wheter we like it or not.
Forever never comes around - September
Sorry if you were a little disappointed in today's post. I just really had to get it out. Oh! And those colorful To Do lists have been helping!.... somewhat ;)
0% said Yup! Why shouldn't I? 0% said No, I really don't think I'm great 0% said Are you kidding me? I'm ugly! 66% said It's a work in progress and... 66% said Sometimes
I'm upset to see that none of you choose this first answer to this week's poll! I know a lot of people struggle with self-confidence but I hoped that at there would be at least one fully confident person out of the bunch! Since I'm a teenage girl, I hang out with a lot of teenage girls. Simple. What's not simple though, is their self esteem. I can't wrap my head around it. Why do they think they're THAT ugly? Why are they afraid to speak in class sometimes? Why do they obsess over straightening their hair, and why do they feel insecure without makeup? I know confidence is hard to gain (for some odd reason) and I feel it's not something that you can push onto someone. You can, but at a certain point they have to except it themselves, and not just blindly believe you. I was lucky enough to have someone push it on me at a younger age and understand it! I don't know what I would do without my cousin, Jaimee, who taught me and my cousins to love who we are when we were in 5th grade, and by 6th grade the message had stuck, and I started to see myself differently. Yes, I still have some moments where I'll second guess myself, and I'll do five extra mirror checks- but who doesn't sometimes?! I try pushing it onto my friends, but it's been so long I just think some of them learned to block me out by now. I just hope they learn soon! I could go on and on about my own personal experiences with myself and with my friends that deal with confidence, but I really want to talk about something I discovered recently.
This past Thursday, the 22nd to be exact, I was reading the latest blog posts in my reading list (click on my profile to see what blogs I follow!) and I came across a post entitled "Size!" that was published on the blog, Love and Mathematics. The first sentences say, "Size is all that matters! It really is!". I stopped for a second. I've talked to the author/creator/whatever! of this blog a bit, and she seems like a really nice, and interesting girl so when I read the first two sentences of the post, I was hoping she wasn't going down the path that you'd imagine after reading that. As I continued to read (http://almostsins.blogspot.com/ Click on the link if you'd like to read the post!) she explained that she was trying to loose weight because her Aunt in the USA was astonished that she was a size 14 (says a lot about our country...). I found that understandable: she's a size 14 which I guess is a little bigger than some depending on your age, and she felt like slimming down. Okay. I just hope my fellow blogger doesn't start what I like to call now 'bulimic blogging'. You see, at the end of her post she talks about another blogger who has lost weight and now seems to 'sparkle and shine'. At first, I thought that was understandable too, that she was getting good motivation from someone else. I clicked on this girl's profile to see if maybe she blogged about her weight loss, but instead of finding her own blog, I found a list of blogs she followed. I thought that maybe those talked about weight loss also so I clicked on them. Were they about weight loss? Sadly, I was right. All these girls are blogging about their binges, fasts, and struggles to their ideal weight. Reading these few posts on each blog I just want to curl up in a ball and cry or throw up from pure disgust. How could you do that to your body??? And how do people find entertainment from these blogs? Maybe they're not following for entertainment, maybe they're following for a glimpse at an anorexic girl's world, or even tips on binging and things like that, but all I do know is some of them have tons of followers. Am I doing something wrong?? Do I need to start making myself vomit to get more site hits? I shudder to think that. I'm really wondering if there's anything I can do to help these girls... I know my encouraging comments will just be ignored and laughed at, but I really wish I could contact them somehow, let their parents and friends and family know what they're doing. They need help!! If you're considering doing something like this I really hope you read some of the links I post below. I hope they'll turn you in the complete opposite direction.
(Some of these blogs might not seem bad at first, you just have to dig deep and read a lot of posts before you get anywhere, I think the last two really talk about their struggle for perfection more)
If you're reading them just to understand these girls lives, what they do, and why. Let me know what you think! Please leave a comment.
Thanks for reading. Leave any thoughts and be sure to vote in this week's poll, remember to check off either pointless, cool, or inspiring also! I also added some new Snapple cap Real Facts to our collection. Check it out! Click on the link on the side bar titled "Snapple Collection" under "Some fantastic flower list pages. Click and bloom!".
Song stuck in my head today: same as last post today! (: scroll down
I started running again this Monday, because I need to get back in shape if I have any chance of trying out for my high school's soccer team and I just felt lazy not doing it. Track ended for me in early June so it's been a good two months since I've stepped foot on a track and it's not easy to start it up again! My sister and I are trying to get some laps in every day so we can get back in shape. I'm not saying that I'm fat! I just feel lazy. It's been going pretty well, I've missed a couple days because of parties and things like that but besides that I guess it's okay. After we went running one day though, I started to get really upset. And on the walk home I talked to my sister about it for a while. You see, I have this thing about pushing myself. I can't do it. It's so hard for me to get myself to do things, even finishing up this blog posts took some days to do. I explained this to my sister, and surprisingly, she understood! We talked for a while about it and she made a couple references to Nickelodeon's greener Earth campaign "The Big Help". She said, "I understand Maddie, how it's hard to get yourself to do everything you want. Think of The Big Help. They want to you to be kind to others, get a good education, make a difference in the world, and go green! That's a lot to do!". That's really the story of my life. I dream big and never try to accomplish it. I rarely stick with things, and want to do everything. I need help! I'm not sure how to go about doing what I want to get done, and to keep myself motivated. Anyone got any tips? Hopefully when the school year rolls around, (one month! Yikes!), it'll present me with an extra clean slate (since I'm starting a whole new school) that I can organize and fill up with opportunities. Maybe I should check out The Big Help online... think they'll have ideas and tips?! I've tried writing down lists of small goals I'd like to accomplish during the day, but that's very short-lived... Help!
This is a quote I kept finding when I Googled laziness... not sure what to make of it yet. I don't think it really pertains to me 'cause I need to keep running! :P
This person had a lot to do...
Maybe if I start making my To Do lists more colorful I'll get them done??!